


The One Where Tony Gets Kidnapped Again (or, How the Bag Guys Totally Ripped off the A-Team)

by See_Kay_Write



Category: Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-13
Updated: 2012-02-13
Packaged: 2017-11-01 21:09:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/361281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/See_Kay_Write/pseuds/See_Kay_Write
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Pepper! Hey!"</p><p><br/>
"You're supposed to be in a board meeting right now."<br/><br/>
"I was! I really was, but we uh got interrupted and the YouTube videos are going to go viral because I just got kidnapped <i>by some guys ripping off the A-Team movie</i>!" He was less than impressed with how high his voice had gone at the end there, but whatever, he wasn't a fan of flying around held up by <i>fabric,</i> thanks.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The One Where Tony Gets Kidnapped Again (or, How the Bag Guys Totally Ripped off the A-Team)

**Author's Note:**

> Borrows from The A-Team movie.  Spoilers for that, if you haven't seen it.

Title: The One Where Tony Gets Kidnapped Again (or, How the Bag Guys Totally Ripped off the A-Team)  
Fandom: Iron Man 1/2, The Avengers  
Rating: PG13 (mostly for Tony's mouth)  
Disclaimer: Anything you recognize is nothing that I own.  
Summary:  
  
 "Pepper! Hey!"

"You're supposed to be in a board meeting right now."  
  
"I was! I really was, but we uh got interrupted and the YouTube videos are going to go /viral/ because I just got kidnapped  _by some guys ripping off the A-Team movie_!" He was less than impressed with how high his voice had gone at the end there, but whatever, he wasn't a fan of flying around held up by  _fabric,_  thanks.  
Notes: Borrows from The A-Team movie.  Spoilers for that, if you haven't seen it.

  


  


"Pepper! Hey!"

  
"You're supposed to be in a board meeting right now."  
  
"I was! I really was, but we uh got interrupted and the YouTube videos are going to go viral because I just got kidnapped _by some guys ripping off the A-Team movie_!" He was less than impressed with how high his voice had gone at the end there, but whatever, he wasn't a fan of flying around held up by _fabric,_ thanks.

It goes like this:

Tony’s behaving himself and actually showing up at his own board meaning, when they’re rudely interrupted by armed men (all in black, come on, how boring.) with some very large guns- not very impressive ones, to Tony’s trained eye, but they’ll still put holes in him since he’s only in the habit of wearing body armor under the metal suit. (Maybe he should be though, but that’s getting awfully pessimistic of him, isn’t it?)

He’s also starting to think he has a pathological inability to keep his mouth shut.

_“So how did you guys manage to get past security without them being mildly curious?  We’re up kinda high and all, that’s a hell of an awkward elevator ride.”_

_“If this is a ransom thing, you’ve got this all backwards.  Everyone with the money is in here, were you planning on getting someone to pay it, because my bank just started locking down my account any time I try to call myself.”_

_“If you’re protesting the weapons thing, you’re late;_ _we stopped that quite a while ago.  Also, you’re a hypocrite.  If you’re here for weapons production, you’re still_ _late, we stopped doing that quite a while ago, but I’d b_ _e happy to give you Justin Hammer’s address.  You got a pen? Or should I just text it to you?”_

(That last one gets him a punch to the gut, but he got hit harder sparring with Natasha last week, so he figures it could be worse.)

They aren’t saying much, which is enough to make him want to keep talking anyway.  This is _not_ a situation where awkward silences are a fun and enjoyable thing.  (What, making people squirm is like a hobby, right?) They’re waiting for something, Tony’s not sure what, but really, how good could it be?  It this is the setup to some elaborate surprise party, someone is getting very fired. 

He’s grabbed, suddenly enough to startle him, and his arms are held behind his back as a plastic tie goes tight around his wrists.  He wants to fight back (he’s getting better, he probably doesn’t need his arms free right away, not to ram them at least) but the guns are held on the board members now in case somebody tried to move.  (Nobody did, but he tries not to take that personal.  He _just_ got this board halfway cooperative, he’s not about to have the dynamic change by getting somebody killed.)

Something’s strapped around his chest, and he looks down quickly really, _really_ , hoping it isn’t a bomb, because nothing kills your day faster (and he so did not mean to make that pun, not even in his head) then having to carry one of those around.  He lets out a breath when it’s not a bomb, it’s a …parachute?

The pieces click together awfully fast (there’s only one covering the doors the rest are by the windows) and the words tumble out before he thinks to censor (but he’s really just proving his own point, right?).

“ _Oh, hell no!  I’ve seen this movie and I really doubt you found a pilot as crazy-good as Murdock since he’s a FICTIONAL CHARACTER.”_

Besides, and he goes on to point this out loudly, he does not going into the air unless it has his logo on it.  It is a perfectly acceptable place to have paranoia, thank you very much, what with the trying not to fall out of the sky and everything. 

And then he’s directed to look at the parachute again, and hey, what do you know, that is his logo.  It’s still not inspiring just more confidence, because flying through the air held up by fabric instead of sturdy machinery is not his idea of a fantastic time.  He’s really not getting a choice in this, because very suddenly he’s outside of his window and the small part of his brain that’s not busy running through the chances of not getting squashed like a bug on the pavement or a nearby building (because it’s not like he can steer with his hands _tied behind his back_ or anything) or being ridiculously pleased the chute opened without a hitch is pretty sure that he’s going to be going viral once this hits YouTube.

He’s floating and falling until he’s _yanked_ and now he’s just being ridiculously pleased that they did have an evil!Murdock (he just got caught by a helicopter midair, that _has_ to be an evil!Murdock flying) before everything goes sort of gray.  He’s okay with that, because this is not a fun ride but he doesn’t want off until he has two feet firmly on the ground.

It ends like this:

He’s in a cliché warehouse now, because the only semi interesting thing they did was chuck him out a window, and they stole that plot from somebody else anyway, so yeah, cliché warehouse, why not?

Turns out, they’re after all the old weapons plans.  Who even does that, there’s been plenty of upgrades since he quit that game, even if he does feel a tiny bit smug that his old(ish) plans are preferred to Justin Hammer’s “new” (heavily borrowed from anyone and everyone) plans.

They’ve made him call Pepper, and she really doesn’t sound amused by his indignation at being in a movie (and _Morrison,_ that makes him _Morrison_ in this scenario, and it’s not like he’s done anything to deserve getting kidnapped by the A-Team, well, not lately) or maybe she just doesn’t believe him yet, but he know someone will send her the YouTube link later, and that’s just become an unhealthy obsession, searching for himself on there…  Apparently by now he’s wandered off topic far enough and long enough (and while ignoring enough warnings) that they decide hitting him with a stun gun is an awesome idea.  He’s going to take Coulson’s threat a lot more seriously in the future, holy shit.   (And maybe limit contact with Darcy when he knows she’s carrying.)

He registers Pepper yelling at him through the phone as he shakes off the after effects (he suspects that was set a little higher than it should have been, but either way, _damn_ that packed a punch) and gets out (far more slurred then he really feels, but it’s necessary for this to work) “Tell Darcy I’m sorry I’ll miss seeing her in her Cap-‘n-Gown.”  That’ll mean a hell of a lot more to Jarvis then it will to Pepper, since Darcy graduated last May, and he was sitting between her parents and Thor.  

The phone’s taken away from him, and the demands are being repeated to Pepper but he’s said what he needed to anyway. He hadn’t had a chance to test the distress word protocols, but a field test will have to do.

[An Interlude:

Pepper nearly drops her phone when Jarvis cuts in over the kidnappers with a quiet “Mr. Stark has activated his distress protocols.  Coordinates are being sent to Director Fury now for extraction.”

Tony had some explaining to do; the fact that he even had “distress protocols” all of a sudden was something you should really _inform_ another person of.]

Tony is totally capable of rescuing himself.  He wants that put out there.  Hello, desert, cave, arc reactor, if that rings any bells.  But he got shoved out a building and hit with a stun gun and damn it, he doesn’t feel like it.  He needs to test the system out anyway, and he’s privately more amused than he should be that he landed on Cap as part of the phrase.  So he waits, mildly patiently, trying to work out what hasn’t been working with the plans for the new jet until he hears the very obvious sounds of the rest of the team showing up.  He regrets that he can’t have his arms crossed (the fact that his hands are sort of numb is something he’s decided to worry about later) and tapping his foot, so he settles on the (possibly cliché) “What took you so long?”

He waits until he’s sitting comfortably in the back of the SHIELD issue SUV (he’s eyed 17 possible upgrades and is considering scrapping the SUVs entirely to find a cooler ride for them and who cares if that’s technically Fury’s call and not his) and trying to ignore the feeling returning to his hands to cheerfully ask who wants to get chipped and kidnapped next to give him some more data to work with?

Shockingly, there are no takers.

  



End file.
